Mentally bruised.

Im not pretty, im just ordinary. Im not tall and slender, im fat and stubby. Im not smart, probably can consider as dumb as well. But thats not what i want right? People have been picking on my body size. Its kind of hurtful. I dont know until when only i can stop to care how people look at me. Yes. Im not confident at all. No one seems to accept who am I. I helped my friends with all I can. Hoping one day, when im in trouble someone will thought of helping me too. I believe that, if you do good to people, people will treat you the same way one day. Is it because im not grateful enough? I know someone else out there suffers more than I do. Im sorry to be greedy. I want to be pampered. I love to be loved. I dont like to be abandoned. Like how everyone did to me.

给爸爸的话

爸, 我真的真的很想你。我好希望你还在。我撑不住了。一年了,你走了一年了。我伤心时,已经没有动力让我撑下去了。为什么妈妈只会埋怨我不够好? 我只想保护她,不要让她给人骗。她只会说我不帮她,不教她。哥哥姐姐可以拍拍屁股就走,不管她。当我告诉他们,她又讲我害她给人骂。我不想的。自从你走后,每次发脾气以后,不管是不是我的错,我都跟她道歉,不是因为我觉得我错了,而是我知道她之前付出了很多,我不可以乱乱对她发脾气,所以我无所谓,忍一忍就没事了。可是为什么她不了解? 只会嫌弃我? 自己的妈妈对自己嫌三嫌四,一点都不好受。有时我也想要被人称赞,疼爱。我也知道她有尽量在金钱和物质上满足我,但有时候我真的不需要那些。这些东西她永远都不会知道。我也发现,自己越来越不喜欢跟她说话了。可能是她变了,或是我自己。

Happy for no reason.

I wonder, do people get happy cause of they are smiling or they are smiling cause they are happy? Hmm.. Anyway, happiness comes from yourself, and never ever depend it on anyone. The true happiness, doesnt really need reason. You dont need to find reason to smile, you smile cause youre feeling happy, feel like smiling. To me, everyone's smile is such a motivation to me. When you see people smile, dont you feel that the day finishes faster? To me, definitely it is. Im grateful, and thankful. To have everyone in my life. Everyone that worth the stay. :)

Getting over.

Hahah. Its so pretty and beautiful to like someone. Just like. Eventhough sometimes its just hurtful. But well, we have to go through something to learn right? I just cant believe it meant so much. HAhha. All the things you did, was just so sweet and overwhelming. I couldnt believe someone will actually do that to me. :) Cant be anymore grateful and happy. Anyway, I met someone this week. I knew you were there. I knew you saw me. I knew. But things no longer the same anymore. I can be friends with anyone, be happy, be crazy with anyone, just not you. You should have know what you did was really hurtful. I got over it doesnt mean i dont remember it. I remember every ounce of pain I had. I was alone. I went through it, and now, you deserve all the consequences. I really wanted to reply you. But I just cant. I dont have any reason to talk to you anymore. Dont tell me its a friend thing. I dont treat you as a friend, honestly. You were the best, also the worst thing that can happen to me.

No title.

I have a feeling that its gonna be a bad day today. Everything seems so awkward. Or maybe i expected too much? Hmm.. But everything will be fine. :) Happy Birthday, friend. Have a nice, great one. With the person you want to spend with. :) Need to head off to read some motivating articles to boost up my mood. HAhaha! :)

长大了吗？

感觉上自己好像会想了很多，却并不知道是真还是假。以前我爱上了一个人，分手后，却死缠烂打。现在，我喜欢某人，却只在意他过得开心就好。我不奢望得到任何人的爱，只希望，我爱的，我喜欢的，开心就好。可能差别并不在于自己是否长大了，而是对于那个人，感觉可能没比前任的强吧。反而我要谢谢后者，让我知道，没什么比自己还重要。到头来，只能靠自己。男生，总而来说，都是一样，来得快，去得更快。也让我晓得，要幸福，自己一定要有必要的素质，加上自己的争取，才有机会修得正果。蓉蓉，没什么难的倒你。我喜欢的，我爱的，等我吧。我不勉强，只要过得了自己，对得起自己，知道自己曾经付出过，无悔了。

Lost.

I have no idea what had happened recently. I was so related within you guys and didnt want things to go worse even at my first intention. Feelings developed so easily. Just so easily and that's when nightmare starts. It wasnt bad at first. I dont really care what the other thinks, Im just really concern about particular one. But things just changed. Im totally fine with it. Im just.. depressed. You should just stay in my mind. :)