Broken.

 Went Tarot reading today. Havent got anyone acknowledged my feelings ever since everything happens. The Tarot reader pointed out how terrible things were, how badly i was being treated, how did I not able to express myself. I dont know how. She asked if i want to let it go, or hoping things can be back together. I cant tell, I honestly dont know. I know I need to let go, but i dont want to. All I want is him. Despite she had pointed how annoyed he is with me, how much he dislikes me, and he already has someone hes interested in. I had no idea what did i do wrong, i really dont know. Im tired of being me. Im so broken in and out, that i dont know what else i can do. 

Love.

Only God knows how much i love you, and how much i didnt want to forget you. I know I can always just let things go and not think about it. I'm definitely capable to do so, but the problem is, I dont want to do so. Everyone has been telling me how terrible you are, how irresponsible you are, do you think i dont know any of this? But i didnt want to believe that that's what you really meant. I knew you loved me, i knew you reacted like this for a reason. I also know that, you no longer have feelings towards me, or even to care about me. Nothing about me actually triggers your attention anymore. I read through our messages last time. You were so caring, so loving, so considerate. Everything was about me, about us. But now, just one sentence, "I dont think we are compatible". But do you even let me try? I gave all in, and all i want is just to be with you, and only you. You just turned your back away from me, without any explanation. You have no guts to explain or even to talk it out with me. And yet, I will still be shameless to text you, call you, which i believe makes you feel annoying. Thats how much i want you to be in my life. I wish i can express myself better, tell you how i truly feel. But we are just not meant to be, i guess. I love you, Chung Loong baobei. 

我希望我终于学会了。还是很想你，朱侲龙宝贝。