Mehh.

Feeling really cocky today. Shouldnt even ask about it. But meh, if I didnt know, things might get worse. Just maybe not in the right mood. Hahah. Really didnt know it affects me that much. Nothing much happened between us, but it just doesnt feel good. Sigh. How? Nothing much can be done. Its okay. :) Everything will be fine. hahaha!

独自一人。

有时候，我都不是奢望你们会明白我。你都不给机会我解释。我又不是无理取闹。我真的想快点长大，离开这里。为什么你不能量力而为？为什么你那么爱现？为什么全部都那么爱现？静静做自己本分不可以吗？你在外面做什么我都不管，你还想怎样？在外面跟别的人，说话到一些有的没的地步，我都当不知道，你还想怎样？真的什么都是我的错吗？你只是会想别人可怜你，你自己不能站起来吗？天天埋怨，我听到都恶心了。为什么要跟一些没脑的人吵？

原来，到头来，我是没有朋友的。想找个人来谈，都没有了。

Birthday.

I was wondering, is it me asking too much? Or I expected too much? For 20 years in my life, I have no idea whether I have any true friends. Am I such a dumbass to put my birthday as the standard of how well my friends are? For the years, besides family, which is also I purposely ask for a birthday dinner, no one else celebrated with me. Only that one particular year my which i dont know I should miss, or not. I tried my best to celebrate my friends' birthdays, cause I know, I wouldnt like to celebrate birthday on my own. I dont need any birthday party, or anything fancy. I just want someone who I really care, to at least willing to spend some time with me on the special day. Till the day before my birthday, I waited, no one invites me for dinner or lunch. I promised to work on that day, for only one reason, I really dont want to have my birthday alone. I rather work, at least theres someone will be there to at least wish me. Honestly, who will wanna work on their birthday? Definitely not me, but i chose to work as well. Its really disappointed on how others treat me. They made me doubt, am i not good enough, as a friend, as a person? Do I not worth any celebration? Sigh. Or maybe just me, asking too much. Be contented, Yung. At least youre lucky.

喜欢你。

第一眼见到你，我觉得你有一种帅气，让我无法理解。
我问别人，你帅吗？他们都说还好。
怎么只有我觉得你特帅啊？
我找了你的面书，试着跟你说话，幸亏你也有回应。
一个月里，我们的感情好像进展的好快，快得我也有点害怕。
早上，习惯了你的问候。
下午，习惯了你的信息。
旁晚，习惯了你的脸孔。
晚上，习惯了你的声音。
我习惯了你的存在。
你总是喜欢录一些无聊笑话哄我。
记得当我紧张得很时，我是听着你的声音，冷静下来。
你的笑话，并不好听，可是我喜欢的，就是你的声音。
晚上，无论多夜，你都陪我练习隔天的会话。
你比我早放假。我上课时，你也不忘回来找我吃午餐，逛街。
那段时间，我真的很开心。
我也知道，一切都会有尽头。
你说，你会等，可是怎么一个月后，人就变了？
我以为一切都会过去，怎么我还会想起你，想起那段时间？
我觉得我真的喜欢你。

我喜欢你的坦率。
我喜欢你的帅气。
我喜欢你的霸气。
我喜欢你的全部。
我喜欢你，陈则升。

可是天意总弄人。
没有了别人的祝福，反而多了他人的憎恨。
算吧。一些事，就让他过去吧。

Positve vibes.

I kind of forget things quite often these days. And the sales definitely put me down. Luckily I have someone that teaches me to appreciate the little things that happened within the bad days, which I didnt realise. And I feel embarrassed as the person that taught me is someone that is much younger than me. His favourite quote, "God helps those that help themselves". If you dont help yourself, theres no need for God to help you. That's why, he said, trust yourself rather than god. Hes such an intelligent person with mature thinking at his young age. Probably he has something bad about himself, but i guess wont be that bad. At least he knows what hes thinking, and what he wants. Cause even people older that seem to have mature thinking have none. Really respect him.

Mentally bruised.

Im not pretty, im just ordinary. Im not tall and slender, im fat and stubby. Im not smart, probably can consider as dumb as well. But thats not what i want right? People have been picking on my body size. Its kind of hurtful. I dont know until when only i can stop to care how people look at me. Yes. Im not confident at all. No one seems to accept who am I. I helped my friends with all I can. Hoping one day, when im in trouble someone will thought of helping me too. I believe that, if you do good to people, people will treat you the same way one day. Is it because im not grateful enough? I know someone else out there suffers more than I do. Im sorry to be greedy. I want to be pampered. I love to be loved. I dont like to be abandoned. Like how everyone did to me.

给爸爸的话

爸, 我真的真的很想你。我好希望你还在。我撑不住了。一年了,你走了一年了。我伤心时,已经没有动力让我撑下去了。为什么妈妈只会埋怨我不够好? 我只想保护她,不要让她给人骗。她只会说我不帮她,不教她。哥哥姐姐可以拍拍屁股就走,不管她。当我告诉他们,她又讲我害她给人骂。我不想的。自从你走后,每次发脾气以后,不管是不是我的错,我都跟她道歉,不是因为我觉得我错了,而是我知道她之前付出了很多,我不可以乱乱对她发脾气,所以我无所谓,忍一忍就没事了。可是为什么她不了解? 只会嫌弃我? 自己的妈妈对自己嫌三嫌四,一点都不好受。有时我也想要被人称赞,疼爱。我也知道她有尽量在金钱和物质上满足我,但有时候我真的不需要那些。这些东西她永远都不会知道。我也发现,自己越来越不喜欢跟她说话了。可能是她变了,或是我自己。