Grateful.

HAhah, Im grateful with everything that is happening to me right now. I dont have a reason to be sad anymore. :)

Weakness.

Its been a long time since i last updated, i guess? HAahha. Its been a hectic period. Assignments and exams. Sighh. But im doing good! :D Im capable in doing everything. Anyway, i thought i knew myself well enough. However, its a totally new knowledge to let me learn about myself. I just started to see all my weaknesses. Im such a perfectionist, especially in terms of golf. I will not allow myself to have any faulty hits. People said, when you hit bad, hit some cover shots, and it will be fine again, it's not the end of the world. However, i didnt realise i always expect myself to hit every shot with perfect impact and swing, just to get the ball to reach the desire distance. If not, i will be damn moody that i can even throw temper. Bad thing, yung. Next, Im sensitive. I hate people judging. -.- Prolly because what people's opinions towards me or prolly a particular human causes it. -.- But damn. I hate that. -.- I shouldnt care anything. Furthermore, Im insecure. I assume a lot. Which i think kind of annoys people. But if I didnt care, I wouldnt even spend time to assume. I think I need to put in more effort to be a better person. I will never give up. Trying to learn to control myself, manage myself. :) Good days ahead!

Hi.

Hi dad. How are you? Its been half a year. I still miss you so much. Nowadays, when i see dads bringing their kids to walk around, I have this feeling, I wish my dad is here too. Daughter that has a dad is a really beautiful thing. I wish I had more time with you. That day, when I had golf, which was a terrible game, I played so bad that people around me were so scared of me when they see my reaction after every shot. Dad, Wilson said i did not enjoy the game and keep wanting every shot to be perfect which makes the whole game worse. How can i enjoy when i cant play well. I've played golf for nearly ten years. Those shots are not acceptable. I still remember I told you, no matter how bad my game is, I will not allow 3 putts or any top shots in my game. I need all the shots get the best impact. But i did not do that during the whole game. Even my driver shots were screwed. How can I forgive myself? Im not really a perfectionist, but when it comes to golf, I am, for sure. Cause that is the only connection I have with you, with all the clubs that you bought for me. They said my clubs are not good enough, are for kids, asking me to sell it away, but i will never do that. Why didnt you enter my dream? Do you know how much i want to see you, but i cant? Please be here for me.

Happy Mother's day.

Hi mommy. I couldnt really express how i feel properly, but theres a lot of thing that i want to tell you. Yes. I know you will never gonna read this, but i just want to express myself in a way. Im sorry I couldnt be a good daughter. Im sorry Im not as amazing as the others. Thank you for letting me to be the little princess whenever I want to. Im sorry that I didnt know to appreciate myself more and cut myself for a guy. I will never do that again. Thank you for being the pillar of the family after dad left. I dont know who will understand how i feel exactly, but i swear im not exaggerating anything. Im really grateful to be here. Im sorry for whatever i did that hurt you. And i just realised i have a lot of things to apologize. Which means im doing more bad things. For this year ahead, i will put in all my effort to make everything works out perfectly. I know you wish im happy more than anything. I will be the happiest girl. I will never cry to anyone, for anyone anymore. Im strong, determined girl. The jovial, cheerful, positive yung yung.

Its okay.

Im a girl, please dont fool my feelings, though i know you dont really treat me like a girl. Its okay. I know you took everything as joke, but i took it real. It was my fault to believe. Kind of hurt, but im alright. Tears behind the smile? :) Thanks for the dream anyway. :)

Positivity.

Everything will be fine. Deep breathe. Drink water. My new quote. Hehhehe. No matter what happen, smile. Breath in the positivity, exhale the negativity. :) must always be motivated for better future. Always stay happy, yungggg. Heheheheeheh. Youll be loved. :)

Urghhhhhh.

I feel so down that i cant even play my violin properly. Im really frustrated with things. So many things running in my mind, but i cant do anything. Great. Really dont ever try to lie to me or fool me again, cause im really dumb to believe again, though its my fault to believe it. And i realise i shudnt depend on anyone. It hurts. So bad.