Ending 2014.

Basically, my 2014 neither that challenging nor interesting, its just a normal year for an ordinary girl. However, my feelings were much affected and depended on my friends within the year. I have to make some changes in the coming year, since Jean is leaving to Australia soon. Things have to be better. No one is going to wait for you. If you want to improve, you have to make the change. 2015 is coming, in 2 days. I'm going to be 21 soon. I have to grow up to my age. Honestly, I'm really contented with what I have throughout the year. What else more can I ask for? I got what I deserve, so if I want more, work more. Stay strong, improve more, girl.

Edelweiss symbolizes daring, courage and noble purity. :)

Mental Support.

Have been so stressed up recently due to finals. I'm kind of cranky and depressed cause I will have to sit on the chair for several hours to cramp everything into my brain. But it's okay. I must remember, things will be better. I can embrace and endure all the challenges and obstacles ahead. I can be a better person. I will be. I can just find some little things that able to cheer me up a little and continue my fight. There are some people who have to suffer more, or take in more than I do. I am lucky enough. Things are good. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. I can do this. :)

Over-expect.

People who know me, I put friends as one of my prior. Recently, things have been bad. Maybe its just me over thinking or over expecting. But im really tired in pleasing anyone. I totally understand that theres no one asked me to please anyone. In real life, I just care about certain people a lot. I ranted to quite a lot of closer friends, but people dont deserve to listen to all my nonsense right? I still have to deal it myself.

I must tell myself, from now on, I DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING. I will bitch all the shit out. I can really act dumb at times, and im working this fine. I know I may have problem as well. But I really wish people can tell me whats my problem, and i can work on it, instead of just brushing it off.

Kay. Im gonna start being a bitch. Damn it.

Overthink.

I always put friends as my prior. I totally understand that the way you treat them, do not expect them treating you the same way. I think I'm expecting too much. It makes me really tired to care about what other people think. But I care about your thoughts means I really care about you, isn't it what a friend should do? I really couldnt focus much. I just overthink too much. I rather you tell me off that you dont like me, not happy with me, then expecting me to guess. Please dont pretend that you're okay when obviously you're not okay with me. It's really super creepy. Sigh. Usually, after writing a post, I would be better, but today, this seems ineffective. :( 

Release, i think?

Time flies. People grow. Things change. Everyone tend to ignore how the little things can be so important. I dont like people who are really pessimistic. Myself is also a pessimistic person. But I am grateful for what i have. I may not have the best thing in the world, but the small, lousy things are the best to me if I think it is the best. You really dont have to show all your emo post, emo faces everywhere. Thought that, youre the only person that having such trouble. I bet, people have more conflicts than you. Everyone has their own problem, dont do it as if youre the worst. -.-" I may apologize for how i think about you. But if I apologize, doesnt mean that you're right. I just dont want to lose the friendship, cause i know everything need toleration. I know you wont realize all these, but I will do everything to save things up, cause I cherish, even you dont.

BFF?

I have to be grateful. I need to cherish. I must appreciate.
But if I really feel uncomfortable, why do i still have to find excuse for you to make myself feel better?
It clearly that, things had changed. I have no value for you anymore, thus, you dont even find me?
I already tried not to think much. If it's not because that you dont have enough people, will you still ask us? I doubt so. Im so sorry. I know im wrong. But if i really not happy with it, you cant force me to smile in front of everyone right? Why do i still have to deal with all this shit? urghh.

Mehh.

Feeling really cocky today. Shouldnt even ask about it. But meh, if I didnt know, things might get worse. Just maybe not in the right mood. Hahah. Really didnt know it affects me that much. Nothing much happened between us, but it just doesnt feel good. Sigh. How? Nothing much can be done. Its okay. :) Everything will be fine. hahaha!

独自一人。

有时候，我都不是奢望你们会明白我。你都不给机会我解释。我又不是无理取闹。我真的想快点长大，离开这里。为什么你不能量力而为？为什么你那么爱现？为什么全部都那么爱现？静静做自己本分不可以吗？你在外面做什么我都不管，你还想怎样？在外面跟别的人，说话到一些有的没的地步，我都当不知道，你还想怎样？真的什么都是我的错吗？你只是会想别人可怜你，你自己不能站起来吗？天天埋怨，我听到都恶心了。为什么要跟一些没脑的人吵？

原来，到头来，我是没有朋友的。想找个人来谈，都没有了。

Birthday.

I was wondering, is it me asking too much? Or I expected too much? For 20 years in my life, I have no idea whether I have any true friends. Am I such a dumbass to put my birthday as the standard of how well my friends are? For the years, besides family, which is also I purposely ask for a birthday dinner, no one else celebrated with me. Only that one particular year my which i dont know I should miss, or not. I tried my best to celebrate my friends' birthdays, cause I know, I wouldnt like to celebrate birthday on my own. I dont need any birthday party, or anything fancy. I just want someone who I really care, to at least willing to spend some time with me on the special day. Till the day before my birthday, I waited, no one invites me for dinner or lunch. I promised to work on that day, for only one reason, I really dont want to have my birthday alone. I rather work, at least theres someone will be there to at least wish me. Honestly, who will wanna work on their birthday? Definitely not me, but i chose to work as well. Its really disappointed on how others treat me. They made me doubt, am i not good enough, as a friend, as a person? Do I not worth any celebration? Sigh. Or maybe just me, asking too much. Be contented, Yung. At least youre lucky.

喜欢你。

第一眼见到你，我觉得你有一种帅气，让我无法理解。
我问别人，你帅吗？他们都说还好。
怎么只有我觉得你特帅啊？
我找了你的面书，试着跟你说话，幸亏你也有回应。
一个月里，我们的感情好像进展的好快，快得我也有点害怕。
早上，习惯了你的问候。
下午，习惯了你的信息。
旁晚，习惯了你的脸孔。
晚上，习惯了你的声音。
我习惯了你的存在。
你总是喜欢录一些无聊笑话哄我。
记得当我紧张得很时，我是听着你的声音，冷静下来。
你的笑话，并不好听，可是我喜欢的，就是你的声音。
晚上，无论多夜，你都陪我练习隔天的会话。
你比我早放假。我上课时，你也不忘回来找我吃午餐，逛街。
那段时间，我真的很开心。
我也知道，一切都会有尽头。
你说，你会等，可是怎么一个月后，人就变了？
我以为一切都会过去，怎么我还会想起你，想起那段时间？
我觉得我真的喜欢你。

我喜欢你的坦率。
我喜欢你的帅气。
我喜欢你的霸气。
我喜欢你的全部。
我喜欢你，陈则升。

可是天意总弄人。
没有了别人的祝福，反而多了他人的憎恨。
算吧。一些事，就让他过去吧。

Positve vibes.

I kind of forget things quite often these days. And the sales definitely put me down. Luckily I have someone that teaches me to appreciate the little things that happened within the bad days, which I didnt realise. And I feel embarrassed as the person that taught me is someone that is much younger than me. His favourite quote, "God helps those that help themselves". If you dont help yourself, theres no need for God to help you. That's why, he said, trust yourself rather than god. Hes such an intelligent person with mature thinking at his young age. Probably he has something bad about himself, but i guess wont be that bad. At least he knows what hes thinking, and what he wants. Cause even people older that seem to have mature thinking have none. Really respect him.

Mentally bruised.

Im not pretty, im just ordinary. Im not tall and slender, im fat and stubby. Im not smart, probably can consider as dumb as well. But thats not what i want right? People have been picking on my body size. Its kind of hurtful. I dont know until when only i can stop to care how people look at me. Yes. Im not confident at all. No one seems to accept who am I. I helped my friends with all I can. Hoping one day, when im in trouble someone will thought of helping me too. I believe that, if you do good to people, people will treat you the same way one day. Is it because im not grateful enough? I know someone else out there suffers more than I do. Im sorry to be greedy. I want to be pampered. I love to be loved. I dont like to be abandoned. Like how everyone did to me.