3 months and 27 days.

To you,

Thanks for all the memories you gave me. Wish you all the best in everything. Sorry to make you go through everything. I love you, Gregory Noah.

This will be the one and only picture of us. First and the last.

Is it the end?

I kept asking myself, is it the end? I wish it's not, but it seems like it is. Things that kept me moving on is you. Everyone asked me to hold on cause they can see how much you love me. I know you loved me so much, until the level i cant even imagine. I know i cant do anything about it. Just 5 more days to 4 months. Im sorry on what i said that hurt you. I didnt mean to.

The ones who love you will never leave even if there are hundred reasons to give up, they will find one reason to hold on. I love you, the reason that keeps me go on. But you might already found the only firm reason to leave me. :)

Relationships last long not because they were destined to last, but because 2 brave people made a choice to keep it, fight for it and to work for it. Maybe we both are just not brave enough.

Goodbye, my dear. :)

Red Jacket.

I went to the Topman shop. I saw your red jacket hanging on the bar. I stoned for a while. My tears were about to burst out. But I hold it. I texted you, and i was being ignored. I really miss you. Everytime i said its okay, it actually hurts as much as i was being stung by bees. It's never okay. I want you to accompany me, but i couldnt tell. I know you want to go home. I know you're tired. I know you dont like to be left out from your gang. Thats why i said its okay. I gave you all you want, as long as i can still call you my baby.
Today, seeing you leave, is another hard moment for me. I really want to cry, my tears were around my eyes. See your back until it couldnt be seen. Make sure myself dont miss any chance to see you. And i walked to the lakeside, sat there. I thought a lot of things. The wind blowing towards me, making me want to cry. I manage to hold my tears for the first time. Telling myself, Yung Yung, its gonna be alright, he still loves you. Hes not leaving forever, youre gonna see him again. I hold my tears, believe in what im thinking. It works, i just need to trust you, believe myself, reckon my thoughts.
I thought i was doing well today, that im able to not cry. Until the second you texted me, this is not going to work. WHUTTT? I just told myself to trust you. You dont even trust yourself, how am i going to trust you. How can i stand on my own feet about what im thinking. I know im being disrespectful saying you're following what your family asked you to do. But i never disagree what i said. I hope you understand why i said that. Not just because of me, also your own future. And when i said i miss you, its always 1000% missing you. Every second, every minute, every hour.

Love is a four letters word.

Love is just a four letters word. However, it brings happiness, bitterness, pain and even tears. But its something that worths you paying all yourself in. I am scared. Im scared to be left alone again. I thought for once, someone loved me with all his heart, but why is this happening to us. I just want you to be here for me, is that even hard? Am i expecting too much? I feel so pain everytime see you depressed, stress just because of me. Really pain, im not exaggerating. Whenever i thought about it, tears always roll down without noticing. But i cant do anything. Not even a single thing. Did i make a right decision to ask you back? Am i too selfish? Am i forcing you to be back when you actually want to leave? If the reason that makes you have the decision to leave me is because you dont want to hurt me anymore, you're really stupid. From the second i know about the problem and i did not leave you, i am not afraid. You asked me to trust you. I trusted you. But now you said you want to leave me just because i will hurt a lot when the time comes. I know your intention is for my good, did you ever hear what am i thinking? Im not afraid of any of that. Im really not. What i want is just to be by your side. Want myself to be by your side when youre stress with other things. I dont want to be the thing that youre stress about. Please prove me that i chose to ask you come back is a right choice. I really dont feel good at all to see you suffering. If i leave can make you happier, easier, I will. I will. Just anything for you.

* Youre the first thing that come into my mind every morning. Thats why i search for your text everyday i wake up. But usually i wont get any. Maybe im not the first one to appear in your mind when you wake up. But I always text you when i wake up. <3

Im heavy.

Sorry. I just realised im such a burden to you. Such a heavy one. I dont want to see you sad and feeling guilty anymore. I really dont want, it hurts me like someone is slicing my heart into pieces. I will not disturb you anymore. I will only reply your texts when im supposed to. I know you will feel bad if you dont reply my texts. If i dont text you, you wont have this problem. :)
Anyway, about the problem, i will take it if i love you enough. I AM TAKING IT ALREADY. Dont doubt anymore. Its not easy, i know. But im willing to. I will do anything just for your comfort, for your good. Ive go through a lot. I just wish you can walk me through. I cant promise it will be forever, at least for now. I'm sorry that it cant be forever, im not that kind that can be tied. It might happened, but i cant promise. I never want to joke with my future. Sorry for being so selfish.

* I hope you can see this. but most probably you wont.
* Im back to the old pathetic life. :)

Sorry, im not perfect.

Im not perfect, but no one is perfect. It depends on how you see me. See me perfectly and you'll love me more. To me, you have no flaws. Youre the best i ever met till this time. I just want to see you smile. Thats all I want. I will do anything just to see your smile. I know im not your prior, its okay. I dont mind. As long as you're my prior, and youre happy with what youre doing.
I still remember the first month, was so lovely and happy. Doesnt have to think about anything. On our first date, when we're walking down the escalator, you hold my hand and told me "Let me hold your hand. Kids need to be taken care." I like it so much, even youre calling me a kid. I still remember how you kiss my forehead when we have to leave. I will never able to imagine this is happening to me. Someone that love me so much. I wasnt being loved in any way since young. You made me believe theres someone that likes me outside. However, things change. We know theres something between us that really annoys me. But i will take it since i love you so much and it might be a challenge to test our relationship. We broke up once, literally. I ask you to come back to me, cause i know you love me as much as i do. But you just didnt want to hurt me more. Let me tell you, You're not hurting me. Having you in my life is like a miracle. Im not perfect, but I am perfect in my way, I know you see me in the way that people cant see.
I just want to tell you, youre awesome as you are. I just want us to share as much memory as we can. Its not easy, but i will try my best. We know its never easy from the second we know the problem, but please walk me through all this. Who knows things might change when the time comes. Believe in me, baby. Believe in yourself. If you keep thinking this will end, it will never work out.

*kiss on the forehead and hug from the back are the most romantic things.
* smile and everything will be alright.
*I love you, thats all i know. <3