Day #121: Ashes.

Went to collect dad's ashes today. Didnt cry today. I know im not good, but it's not that i can do anything. Crying isnt going to help. Im not going to let myself to cry again. How bad i feel, not going to cry, anymore. Im not going to show my weak side again. No one can understand how it really feels. Half a year, I lost 2 of my dearest, what you want me to feel? Im too disappointed at myself. Too disappointed. I see how my mum force herself. She kept doing housework to fill her emptiness. Even when we're having dinner, she had the time to sit down and think, she'll start crying. It's not good. Keep laughing, doesnt mean im good. Im really tired and depressed. I really want to talk to someone, and i really cant find that someone. Who can i talk to? Please. Tell. Me.