I really want to know what are you thinking in your head. Things i do, is it right? Am I being busy body? I thought i was doing the right thing. I need a lot of guts to make these things real. It took me so much courage. I couldnt ask for more things. I have to learn to not expecting anything. I swear, im not expecting anything anymore. Im afraid, everyday. Afraid of things changing again and again, to something really strange. I dont like changing. I know i cant expect people to be the same over years. But this year, too many changes. Im trying my best to do whatever i can do to help you, but my strength is limited. Im not a very smart person. I dont know how to use my brain wisely. I just want a normal life. I dont want to be the evil, mean person. I know once i start doing all that, everything will change again. I just want the best for you. I dont know whether it's the best, but it's all i can do. I know how much youre doing for me, but let me do what i can do to help. You might not appreciate my help, i know. Loving someone too deep, it's just hurtful like torturing you again and again, non-stop. I've reached the level that i hate myself a lot, tired of myself, stress about myself, being such a pathetic fella. Im just trying to help.
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