It's the first day of finals. One day nearer to the end of FIS. One day nearer to the day im not going to see you anymore. One day nearer to the day that we will once again be a total stranger. I dont know to feel happy or sad. I always wanted FIS to end earlier because this has been a hard year for me. But im also afraid of separation, with friends, and you. Im always scared when you go back to hometown. I know i have no reason to be scared anymore, but im just afraid. Humans' biggest fear is the fear to change. Myself, im really afraid of things changing. People said, no matter how you dont want things to change, it will still change. Is it like how your feelings towards me change? I didnt know that we need a very big courage to say "I love you" and mean it. I always wanted to tell you that, but i know i cant. Im afraid people will say im the intruder to destroy people's relationship AGAIN. But the feelings i have, are real. It reaches the level until i rather dont talk about it and smile than crying over it in front of everyone. After crying, they say feelings will be gone. I cried. But it's still there. Till the limit that i want to just hide it and pretend nothing happen. Hmm.. Isnt it pathetic? :( Anyway, chemistry paper tomorrow. Have to score enough to get A. Im determined. :) God bless. Good luck too, dear. :) Ohhh. And highest condolences for the victims in Connecticut. May you find your innocent life with God, beautiful kids and heroes.
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