Day #101: Baking.

Baking is fun. I love baking. But i dont eat what i baked. HAHA. Am i picky? I just dont like sweet stuff. I baked for my etp group. Its my first attempt on baking for bigger groups of people. Its a big challenge, especially i cant get enough ingredients. HAHA. With limited ingredients, i baked what i can. It looks nice. I wish it really tastes nice. >.< And i ate chocolate today. Though im not supposed to, but i did. And im happy after eating it. :D Today, Divya invited me for lunch. I accompanied her and talked to her about many things. It's my first time letting everything out. At least someone knows, what am i really actually suffering from. We sat by the lake, and i just couldnt control and cried. Part of it because of the same reason. I hate myself. For dropping tears for you again and again. Ignoring surroundings. Hide myself in my own world. The world that will not betray me. I cant afford to lose anymore things. Im such a loser. I dont expect everything around to be perfect. If they're not, then i'll make them perfect. I know, if i trust, i can. How annoying everything is, i'll do good. I know im capable in doing everything. Truth is always cruel. If you did not fail before, youll never know the pain. How cruel the truth can be, end up, it the one that brings you up. I believe in that. I chose to believe the words you gave me that were all lies. Cause it's not a truth. How much people told me, it stabs me every part. But i know i have to grow from there. Instead of dwelling with a guy that will not even look at me. Where i fall, i have to wake up from there. I cant expect people to carry me to the finishing line. Which is impossible. If i dont give any effort to reach the finishing line, it's not even a victory. Prolly victory with shame.