Day #85: Pain.

Went back to uni for etp today. Kind of expect you to go back, but i know you wont. Of course i do enough research before doing things. Haha. Saw some statements today that inspire me.. Love, is not something about promises nor passion, it's all about how you want it to be steady and simple. Although you have all kind of promises, theres no use if you dont work on it. Instead, without the promises, you do what you're supposed to, its simple and steady enough. Does it bother you to not talk to me? Well, it really bothers me and i have to pretend everything is fine. I keep staring at the phone, hoping you to text, but i know, you wont. I just hope theres some miracle or anything. I dont know why, my appetite is back to the bad ones. I vomited today. Dont really know whats wrong. I vomited all my lunch out. Its just gross. Not really feeling okay. But isnt that what i want all the while? Just not bad enough. I tell myself, no matter how cold is the shower, how cold standing under the fan, how disgusting is vomiting, I just have to clench my jaws and it will be alright. You know, i dont know why, i think all i did, were all worthy. All. I know i will get scold from this, all i did, were something really small that you dont even give time to remember, but i know it's all worthy. It might be because im such a fool, or maybe it's really worthy. I couldnt be the reason of your smile, its the only regret i have. As long as you smile, it will all be alright, even to take my last breath or my precious. Plant the pain on me, build the happiness on him. Thats what i asked for, dear God. Count on me. Goodnight, baby.