Day #82: Quarantine.

My title is not even related to my post. I used "Quarantine" as the title cause I just thought of the word. I wish i can run away to other place. I really wish i can just run away. Even i know run away is not a solution, but i really dont like staying any longer. It doesnt seem like i have a choice and i have to finish my degree in Taylors. Well. It's destined. To be torture. I tried my best to ignore everything i can. I really dont know what else i can do. See but pretend to not see. Cry but pretend to smile. Not okay but pretend to be okay. Good.  Am I okay? Im not, at all. I just dont understand myself anymore. Whats wrong with you, yung? Still crying for someone that doesnt even give a damn to you. You think you're really good? Really okay? You're not, yung. Not even a little. Why cant I just show my emotions? Why cant i just let my temper out? I feel so hopeless nowadays. I started to feel that friends dont even want to give a damn to me anymore. I have no one to talk to now. I really dont have. I've been suppressing everything to myself, and i dont know how long more i still can take, can hold. I dont even know why am i torturing myself with all these? Doesnt want to hurt me anymore? Well said, darling. Well said. I tried to hide myself so much. Probably no one even realise how am i doing recently and believe that im alright. I dont expect anyone will want to listen to all my dramas again and again. No one will. I deserve to be treated so. Being ignored. Being abandoned. Sometimes, i wish my friends can consider my feelings a bit. You can play with me, can tease me, can insult me, but please dont get overboard. I really appreciate all of you. As long as all of you are happy. As long as you are happy, dear. Goodnight.