Day #83: Deserve.

Yes. I dont deserve to be treated well. Seriously, who will want to be good to someone who doesnt even know how to appreciate herself. I know all of you get fed up with me. I dont expect any of you will help me again. I dont know why do i still mind so much. You know, the second i see you leave without saying a bye, it hurts me so much. Its been days you didnt talk to me. Not even a hi. I should be cool about it, but no, i cant even ignore it. I cried so hard to sleep last night. So hard, till i cant breath, but i just couldnt let it out, cause afraid to wake my sister up. I have to hold the cry to the minimum volume and pretend to sleep. I cant even breath. From the day, you start ignoring me, i just get all emotional again. When the moment i needed you the most, you didnt reply me. Sometimes, i rather run out the road and get bang by some cars. Or maybe, jump down the building? I really hate myself so so so so much! It's all my fault. I deserve the worst treatment! I dont know how long i still can hold. I try to be cool, friendly and everything, all i want is just you to care at times. But all i get must depend on your mood swing. When you feel like it, you'll be good. If not, Im something worse than the soil on the ground. I know im running away. I dont know what to do anymore. I dont deserve happiness. Just, take care. Be happy, darling. Goodnight.