Day #96: Secret.

Today, we started the topic of reproduction. Ms Sri described everything in details. We are all 18 years old, it shouldnt be a big problem to talk about sex. But somehow, i feel disgusted when she was describing vagina. Due to some reason. I finally know that, what people mean by building your own joy on others' sorrow. Everything hurts. So badly. But it's okay, im well. I dont need you like how you ignored me. Since dont know when, we are not even friends. Just some strangers with memories. If i have a chance, I wouldnt want this kind of memories. Im trying to keep the best part, but everything, good or bad just rush in. I wish i have really short term memory and forget everything. You had your joy. Enough joy and you left. All well-planned. I couldnt blame anymore. What else can i say? Maybe i should just say, i met the wrong person at the wrong timing. Yeah. To anyone else, anything doesnt matter anymore. But you, yourself and me, clearly know what had happened. You can just pretend nothing happened, you wouldnt know how much pain i took just to satisfy your pleasure. Yeah, sure. You left after that. Im trying really hard to be strong. And i really hope people dont see me from their point of view. You all really dont understand what i had. Maybe one person out there knows. The hardest thing to overcome is that you have to fight with your inner self, telling her, you dont need him anymore. Everything that happened, is over. You love her. I cant care anymore. Im fighting myself over everything. When im doing good in everything, i just hope nothing interrupts. Shut down myself will be good.