Day #81: Important.

Its an important day to my dearest Stephyyyy. Steph, i dont know how many years more i can celebrate your birthday with you, but i will appreciate every chance that i have to celebrate with you. Im really not a good friend, good person that always makes you worry, disappoint you. However, thanks for being there for me whenever i need you. During my worst time, you're the one that let me splash everything out. I dont know what else i can say to describe out friendship. Its not as deep as others, but definitely you mean a lot to me. Im not important to anyone anymore. Im sorry for all my mistakes. Sorry that i kind of ruin your birthday at the end. Ching Enn and I got lost on the highway. We were so terrified and scared. So lost in the middle of the big cars. After that i still have to take the train home from a totally strange place. I dont know why, but today, i felt extra scared. I was in dress, it's night time, i was alone. The surrounding was so quiet that when i see a bunch of humans walking by, i felt my heart dropped, afraid that anything might happen on me. I texted you at least to get some companion. You didnt reply. I dont know what are you trying to tell. Even before i get into the train cabin, I had my headset on, my tears just dropped. I wasnt that scared before about anything, except for the time that i afraid to lose you. I feel so unwanted, and scared. I just couldnt explain how scared i was. You might not believe it. Im really not that strong, in any way. I have my scared and terrified side too. First time crying in the train cabin, it's not only tears, even with my mucus. :/ I cant take anymore. Goodnight, dear.