Thursday, August 16, 2012

Day #33: I still have feelings.

I really have feelings. You really affect me a lot. Just a little minor thing, you will also able to make me feel really really terrible. What should i do? I had enough. I just want it all off. I heard that you're leaving back to Sabah. Surprisingly that i dont know about it. Well. It's not a surprise anymore. Why should you tell me at the first place, it's me that thinking too much. I dont know why, but when i know about it, i really feel so bad. You're leaving back to her again. Are you happy? Im really really fear and terrified. I know i shouldnt since youre not mine anymore. When you're back in Sabah, i just couldnt survive. Ive been wondering how can i survive through the raya break? Thinking every nonsence. Will there be another picture be uploaded? I dont know. Im scared to be hurt again. Im afraid about everything. I really love you more than everything. But thinking that you have a girl now, and its not me, i feel really terrible. You will marry her and she'll be your only marriage. I dont know what else i can say. Though how much it hurts. Yesterday night, i was so sick that i really cant take it anymore, i wanted to sleep early. I slept in, but nightmare started. I saw you and her in my dream, but i really dont remember what happened in it. It really suffocates me. I woke up with the frightened face, cried and cried so hard until i sleep in again. Im so tired with all these. Being happy and smile all over in the morning, being myself again in the nights. I just couldnt take it anymore that i really want to give up. But i know God will be there for me. I know He will.

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